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How things are going so far - 2020

Updated: Jan 28, 2020

Hello everyone!šŸ

I hope you are all well and that your year is getting the kick start you wanted! For me this year started on a rather bad note, and in this post I will be covering a little of my history, my journey and finally what this year hopefully holds for me!


So this year I decided to keep a diary of events, birthdays and so on. I hate using a journal or a diary, but I felt this year I should put in the effort and try and oh my, it is helping me so much. I'm finding it easier to process my work load and give myself time. I am also setting deadlines when they seemed mostly impossible to think about. And here's why.


Throughout my life I have dealt with a condition called 'Fixed Talipes' and when I was younger I had an operation to correct this condition. However it was always a worry that it would come back. Fixed Talipes is a condition within my bones that means in short, my foot rather than facing forward, will be pulled inwards over time. By how far? No one can be certain, how long will it take to get back to how it was? No one can be certain. I was born with Talipes in both legs, and for many babies the condition can be corrected and they will have near to no problems with their legs and feet.


I would be lying if I said I hadn't wished I was one of those babies. For me, my condition wasn't just Talipes. I was born with a multitude of defects that render me disabled. The Talipes however, I can say was the worst of my bad bunch. The effects resulted in me having a right leg, through knee amputation around the age of 2 and my parents fought to save my left leg.


Last year after experiencing pain that has gradually been getting worse since I was 16 and fighting for years for doctors to consider doing something to help me, I had a steroid injection between the ankle joint bones. This unfortunately for me, felt like it had "Oiled the joint" but had not relieved my symptoms. So back to the doctor we went! I must also add, this injection was the most painful thing I think I have ever experienced, the injection itself was like 3 individual bee stings, and I could feel the needle poking around inside. After the procedure I was told to rest it for a couple days because of soreness and possible bruising and my foot turned into a bruise for the two weeks following.


So when I agreed to go for another injection I was, for lack of a better term - Bricking it. Only this time was a little different, I would be going into a cast after. I have been in a cast before, but it was when I was very young and honestly can not remember the experience. Everything went smoothly, but I am still in my cast until February 20th and I am counting down the days!


The pain now is worse than ever before, not because of the injection, because I am in a cast I can't move my ankle or foot, meaning when I need to click my ankle I can't. Which may be beneficial, but putting weight on it is the hardest pain. This new pain is also taking a huge toll on my mental health. I like to be positive and try to forget these little things because there is far worse going on in the world right now.


I am honestly surprised at the fact wearing joggers and leggings everyday instead of jeans is actually making me feel so unhappy, I feel like an utter slob. With no motivation to succeed or achieve things. I think it is taking such a toll because I know that even when the cast comes off, my pain won't be gone, my foot won't be better, and another procedure will need to be considered. I have goals for this year that I am terrified to think about, in case my condition suddenly worsens. Or god forbid, I lose it like I did my left leg. My condition is a constant worry at the back of my mind, but I try not to let it alter my life or who I am.


My parents always bought me up alongside able bodied children, and watched me struggle along side them at times, but they also saw me thrive in their presence. Because I wanted to be like them, normal and able bodied. I know that it is an impossible dream. But I am beyond grateful to my family and friends for treating me, as though they would anyone else, not over caring for me, or leaving me behind if I couldn't be included. This year I have big dreams. And i'm determined to thrive.



So keep your eyes peeled guys! There's a lot of good stuff coming this year and I can't wait to share my journey with you. If anyone has any questions please feel free to comment, if you share my condition and just want a friendly word. You can message me on any platform at the top of the page. If youā€™re a parent with a child who has this condition and you are worried about what the future holds. Even if your someone who is able bodied who is struggling with something in life. Message me, feel free. We all struggle with things, but we can only thrive and achieve with the help of others.


I hope you all have a lovely day,

šŸ Stay smiling


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